Let's Talk about Ageing, Part 3: Sandwich Generation

Suppose you find yourself within the age group of the thirties to the forties, with the responsibility of bringing up your children and taking care of your ageing parents at the same time. If that is the case, you are what the social analysts call the "sandwich generation".

In reality, the sandwich generation's age bracket may expand to include those in their fifties and those in their late twenties. It is especially challenging for the latter group as they may be entering the working world carrying a substantial financial burden from their education loan, compounded by stagnating wages and increasing inflation.

In cases where the elderly face the challenge of inadequate retirement funds, financing their everyday needs would typically fall onto their children's shoulders, if they have any. It has become common for households to hire domestic helpers (maids) to care for the house and their elderly parents while the adult children work throughout the day. Usually, these helpers could cost up to RM20,000 just for agency fees before the hiring process can be initiated. Meanwhile, today's monthly fees at nursing homes may range between RM1,000 and RM3,000 a month. Such services are a luxury reserved only to a small group of people as most of the Malaysian population, the B40 (bottom 40%), only earned an average household income of RM2,537 in 2014 [1], while the M40 (middle 40%) earns an average household income of between RM3,860 and RM8,319 per month [2].

Elderly people who still have physical rigour might help ease the financial burden of their adult children by offering to take care of their grandchildren instead of sending them to daycare centres which could cost up between RM380 and a whopping RM2,200 per child a month [3]. In return, their children would provide a certain amount of financial compensation to their elderly parents for taking care of their grandchildren. However, it is also not unusual if the caregiving offered by elderly parents is provided for free.

For the first time in 2015, the national budget made a provision for tax relief for children who financially provide for their parents. It is subject to the condition that each parent does not have a monthly income exceeding RM2,000 and must be aged 60 years and above. The parental care relief allows a maximum of RM1,500 for each parent. Should two children with the same parents claim this tax deduction, each child is eligible to claim a portion of the total RM1,500 on behalf of the mother and another portion of the total RM1,500 on behalf of the father (cumulative claims from both children are limited to RM3,000 only) [4]. However, this relief is not for claiming expenses related to parents' medical treatment and care – which is a separate claim. Coupled with the tax relief that taxpayers receive for supporting children above the age of 18 who is studying at higher learning institutions (maximum relief of RM8,000) and for children below the age of 18 years old (maximum relief of RM2,000) [5], this had lessened the financial burden of the family who is supporting multigenerational dependents.

Culturally, caring for elderly parents is perhaps one of the truest forms of filial piety. It describes the kind of obedience practised in all religions and moral principles, a virtue of respect and good to one's parents. Also, a key virtue in Chinese culture is the Confucian philosophy – families today often compromise as they are left with few choices but to take the most pragmatic approach. To keep up with the rising living costs, both spouses often have to work full time to support their families. For those living with frail elderly parents, it is not safe to leave them alone at home all day without company. Sometimes, the elderly parent may need medical support around the clock, and therefore, the nursing home is the most logical option available.

While some pragmatic decisions must be made, it sometimes comes with unfortunate consequences. "Most of the elderly are familiar with their homes, so when they come to an unfamiliar environment (like the nursing homes), they may not be their selves," Yuen Ping. "Sometimes, they will make things difficult for the people around them. Just like children waiting to go home. They would be insisting, "I want to go home." It is undoubtedly tougher on the staff for the first few weeks."

However, sending one's parents to the old folks' home is generally shunned in Malay society. "It is against our religious teaching on filial piety. No matter how tough it gets, the family strive to stay together", Puan Noriah, 73 years old, shared. "It is common for Malay families to do a lot of things together - going for outings even just for a hospital visit accompanying their elderly family member, almost everyone in the family tags along to the hospital." She was a teacher at   Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Padang Polo, teaching Bahasa Melayu for almost 20 years before she opted for early retirement. "Culturally, the Malays are very family-oriented, which allows for a consistent bonding and strengthening of the relationship among the family members. They are taught that filial piety is one of the greatest commandments in their Quran study from a young age. Even a simple scoff at your parents is considered a dosa, let alone sending your ageing parents away to an old folks' home when they are frail. Usually, elderlies who are in these homes are those without family."

One stark difference that sets the Malay community apart is their traditional kampong villages. "In the kampong, the spirit of a neighbourhood is strong. We often have celebrations like kenduri that brings everyone in the kampong together. People who consist of neighbours and extended families who live in the kampong know one another, grew up together, look out for one another, including each other's family members such as the elderly parents," according to Puan Noriah. Some of these kampong houses sit on tanah keturunan pusaka (inherited land), so the Malay elderlies are always presented with the choice of moving back to their own kampong should they have tasted enough of the urban life. As it takes a village to raise a child, it should also take a village to care for the elderly.

** This is part of the series on “Let’s Talk About Ageing” from my research published in this article. This series features portions of my writing which were unpublished. Kindly note that the information and statistics featured in these write-ups were updated only until 2016, as the article was published in April 2017.

Part 1: Health and wellbeing as wealth

Part 2: Social security, costs and risks of societal ageing

References:

[1] New Straits Times. 2016. “Big push to help B40 group from now until 2020.” Published on November 23, 2016. Accessed on March 7, 2017. <http://www.nst.com.my/news/2016/11/191260/big-push-help-b40-group-now-until-2020>

[2] The Malaysian Reserve. 2016. M40 Group Left Out of Budget. Published on October 24, 2017. Accessed on March 7 2017 <http://themalaysianreserve.com/new/story/m40-group-left-out-budget-2017>

[3] Malay Mail. 2014. “Costly day care drives some parents to unregistered babysitters.” Published on March 7, 2014. Accessed on March 7, 2017. <http://www.themalaymailonline.com/malaysia/article/costly-daycare-drives-some-parents-to-unregistered-babysitters>

[4] The Star. 2015. Claiming tax deduction for parents’ medical expenses. Published on December 4, 2015. Accessed on March 7 2017. <http://www.thestar.com.my/opinion/letters/2015/12/04/claiming-tax-deduction-for-parents-medical-expenses/>

[5] Pricewaterhousecoopers (PwC). 2016. 2016/2017 Malaysian Tax Booklet: A Quick Reference Guide Outlining Malaysian Tax Information. 105pp.